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discourse, both forenoon and afternoon. God's power appear
. ed in the assembly, in both exercises. Numbers of God's peo
. ple were refreshed and melted with divine things ; one or two comforted, who had been long under distress ; convictions, in divers instances, powerfully revived ; and one man in years much awakened, who had not long frequented our meeting, and appeared before as stupid as a stock. God amazingly renewed and lengthened out my strength. I was so spent at noon, that I could scarce walk, and all my joints trembled ; so that I could not sit, nor so much as hold my hand still : and yet God strengthened me to preach with power in the afternoon; although I had given out word to my people, that I did not expect to be able to do it. Spent some time afterwards in conversing, particularly, with several persons, about their spiritual state ; and had some satisfaction concerning one or two. Prayed afterwards with a sick child, and gave a word of exhortation. Was assisted in all my work. Blessed be God. Returned home with more health, than I went out with ; although my linen was wringing wet upon me, from a little after ten in the morning, till past five in the afternoon. My spirits also were considerably refreshed ; and my soul rejoiced in hope, that I had through grace done something for God. In the evening, walked out, and enjoyed a sweet season in secret prayer and praise. But oh, I found the truth of the Psalmist's words, My goodness extendeth not to thee!' I could not make any returns to God; I longed to live only to him, and to be in tune for his praise and service for ever. Oh, for spirituality and holy fervency, that I might spend and be spent for God to my
latest moment ! June 30. Spent the day in writing ; but under much weakness and disorder. Felt the labours of the preceding day; although my spirits were so refreshed the evening before, that i was not then sensible of my being spent.
July 1. "In the afternoon, visited, and preached to my people, from Heb. ix. 27. And as it is appointed unto men once to die, &c. on occasion of some person's lying at the point of death, in my congregation. God gave me some assistance; and his word made some impressions on the audio ence, in general. This was an agreeable and comfortable evening to my soul : my spirits were somewhat refreshed, with a small degree of freedom and help enjoyed in my work.”
On Wednesday he went to Newark, to a meeting of the Presbytery; complains of lowness of spirits; and greatly laments his spending his time so unfruitfully. The remaining part of the week he spent there, and at Elizabethtown; and speaks of comfort and divine assistance, from day to day ; but yet greatly complains for want of more spirituality. VOL. X.
Lord's day, July 6. “ [At Elizabethtown.] Enjoyed some composure and serenity of mind, in the morning : heard Mr. Dickinson preach, in the forenoon, and was refreshed with his discourse ; was in a melting frame, some part of the time of
..:: partook of the Lord's supper, and enjoyed some sense of divine things in that ordinance. In the afternoon I preached from Ezek. xxxiii. 11. As I live, saith the Lord God, &c. God favoured me with freedom and fervency, and helped me to plead his cause, beyond my own power.
July 7. My spirits were considerably refreshed and raised, in the morning. There is no comfort, I find, in any enjoyment, without enjoying God, and being engaged in his service. In the evening, had the most agreeable conversation which I remember in all my life, upon God's being all in all, and all enjoyments being just that to us which God makes them, and no more. It is good to begin and end with God. O how does a sweet solemnity lay a foundation for true pleasure and happiness ! July 8.
“ Rode home, and enjoyed some agreeable meditations by the way. July 9.
Spent the day in writing, enjoyed some comfort and refreshment of spirit in my evening retirement. July 10.
“ Spent most of the day in writing. Toward's night rode to Mr. Tennent's ; enjoyed some agreeable conversation : went home in the evening, in a solemn, sweet frame of mind; was refreshed in secret duties, longed to live wholly and only for God, and saw plainly, there was nothing in the world worthy of my affection; so that my heart was dead to all below; yet not through dejection, as at some times, but from views of a better inheritance.
6 Was in a calm, composed frame, in the morning, especially in the season of my secret retirement. I think, that I was well pleased with the will of God, whatever it was, or should be, in all respects of which I had then any thought. Intending to administer the Lord's supper the next Lord's day, I looked to God for his presence and assistance upon that occasion ; but felt a disposition to say, " The will of the Lord be done,' whether it be to give me assistance, or not. Spent some little time in writing ; visited the Indians, and spent some time in serious conversation with them : thinking it not best to preach, many of them being absent.
July 12. “ This day was spent in fasting and prayer by my congregation, as preparatory to the sacrament. I discoursed, both parts of the day, from Rom. iv. 25. • Who was delivered for our offences,' &c. God gave me some assistance in my discourses, and something of divine power attended the word; so that this was an agreeable season. Afterwards led them to a solemn renewal of their covenant, and fresh dedication of
themselves to God. This was a season both of solemnity and sweetness, and God seemed to be in the midst of us.'' Returned to my lodgings, in the evening, in a comfortable frame of mind.
Lord's day, July 13. " In the forenoon, discoursed on the bread of life, from John vi. 35. God gave me some assistance, in part of my discourse especially; and there appeared some tender affection in the assembly under divine truths ; my soul also was somewhat refreshed. Administered the sacrament of the Lord's supper to thirty-one persons of the Indians. God seemed to be present in this ordinance; the communicants were sweetly melted and refreshed, most of them. O how they melted, even when the elements were first uncovered! There was scarcely a dry eye among them, when I took off the linen, and showed them the symbols of Christ's broken body.-Having rested a little, after the administration of the sacrament, I visited the communicants, and found them generally in a sweet loving frame; not unlike what appeared among them on the former sacramental occasion, on April 27. In the afternoon, discoursed upon coming to Christ, and the satisfaction of those who do so, from the same verse I insisted on in the forenoon. This was likewise an agreeable season, a season of much tenderness, affection, and enlargement in divine service; and God, I am persuaded, crowned our assembly with his divine presence. I returned home much spent, yet rejoicing in the goodness of God. July 14.
“ Went to my people, and discoursed to them from Psal. cxix. 106. . I have sworn, and I will perform it,' &c. Observed, 1. That all God's judgments or commandments are righteous. 2. That God's people have sworn to keep them; and this they do especially at the Lord's table. There appeared to be a powerful divine influence on the assembly, and considerable melting under the word. Afterwards, I lead them to a renewal of their covenant before God, that they would watch over themselves and one another, lest they should fall into sin and dishonour the name of Christ, just as I did on Monday, April 28. This transaction was attended with great solemnity: and God seemed to own it by exciting in them a fear and jealousy of themselves, lest they should sin against God; so that the presence of God seemed to be amongst us in this conclusion of the sacramental solemnity.”
The next day, he set out on a journey towards Philadelphia ; from whence he did not return till Saturday. He went this journey, and spent the week, under a great degree of illness of body, and dejection of mind.
Lord's day, July 20.
- Preached twice to my people from
John xvii. 24. Father, I will that they also whom thou hast given me, be with me, where I am, that they may behold my glory, which thou hast given me.' Was helped to discourse with great clearness and plainness in the forenoon. In the afternoon, enjoyed some tenderness, and spake with some influence. Numbers were in tears; and some, to appearance, in distress.
July 21. “ Preached to the Indians, chiefly for the sake of some strangers ; proposed my design of taking a journey speedily to the Susquehannah; exhorted my people to pray for me, that God would be with me in that journey; and then chose divers persons of the congregation to travel with me. Afterwards, spent some time in discoursing to the strangers, and was somewhat encouraged with them. Took care of my people's secular business, and was not a little exercised with it. Had some degree of composure and comfort in secret retirement. July 22.
“ Was in a dejected frame, most of the day; wanted to wear out life, and have it at an end; but had some desires of living to God, and wearing out life for him. O that I could indeed do so!"
The next day he went to Elizabethtown, to a meeting of the Presbytery; and spent this, and Thursday, and the former part of Friday, under a very great degree of melancholy, and gloominess of mind; not through any fear of future punishment, but as being distressed with a senselessness of all good, so that the whole world appeared empty and gloomy to him. In the latter part of Friday he was greatly relieved and comforted. July 26.
“ Was comfortable in the morning ; my countenance and heart were not sad, as in days past; enjoyed some sweetness in lifting up my heart to God. Rode home to my people, and was in a comfortable, pleasant frame by the way ; my spirits were much relieved of their burden, and I felt free to go through all difficulties and labours in my Master's service.
Lord's day, July 27. “ Discoursed to my people in the forenoon, from Luke xii. 37, on the duty and benefit of watching. God helped me in the latter part of my discourse, and the power of God appeared in the assembly. In the afternoon, discoursed from Luke xiii. 25. When once the master of the house is risen up, &c. Here also I enjoyed some assistance ; and the Spirit of God seemed to attend what was spoken, so that there was a great solemnity, and some tears among Indians and others. July 28.
“ Was very weak, and scarce able to perform any business at all; but enjoyed sweetness and comfort in prayer, both morning and evening; and was composed and comfortable through the day. My mind was intense, and my heart fervent, at least in some degree, in secret duties; and I longed to spend and be spent for God.
July 29. “My mind was cheerful, and free from the melancholy, with which I am often exercised; had freedom in looking up to God, at various times in the day. In the evening, I enjoyed a comfortable season in secret prayer; was helped to plead with God for my own dear people, that he would carry on his own blessed work among them ; was assisted also in praying for the divine presence to attend me in my intended journey to the Susquehannah; and was helped to remember dear brethren and friends in New England. I scarce knew how to leave the throne of grace, and it grieved me that I was obliged to go to bed; I longed to do something for God, but knew not how. Blessed be God for this freedom from dejection.
July 30. “ Was uncommonly comfortable, both in body and mind; in the forenoon especially, my mind was solemn; I was assisted in my work; and God seemed to be near to me; so that the day was as comfortable as most I have enjoyed for some time. In the evening, was favoured with assistance in secret prayer, and felt much as I did the evening before. Blessed be God for that freedom I then enjoyed at the throne of grace, for myself, my people, and my dear friends. It is good for me to draw near to God.”
He seems to have continued very much in the same free, comfortable state of mind the next day.
“ In the evening, enjoyed a sweet season in secret prayer; clouds of darkness and perplexing care were sweetly scattered, and nothing anxious remained. O how serene was my mind at this season! how free from that distracting concern I have often felt! Thy will be done,' was a petition sweet to my soul ; and if God had bidden me choose for my
; self in any affair, I should have chosen rather to have referred the choice to him ; for I saw he was infinitely wise, and could not do any thing amiss, as I was in danger of doing. Was assisted in prayer for my dear flock, that God would promote his own work among them, and that God would go with me in my intended journey to the Susquehannah; was helped to remember my dear friends in New England, and my dear brethren in the ministry. I found enough in the sweet duty of prayer to have engaged me to continue in it the whole night, would my bodily state have admitted of it. O how sweet it is, to be enabled heartily to say, Lord, not my will, but thine be done. Aug. 2.
“ Near night, preached from Matt. xi. 29. Take