"You had better take aim, or they'll humble our pride." With a shake of his helmet, the fighter replied,

Oh, willow, jamwillow, jamwillow!"

He pulled at the trigger again and again,
Singing, "Willow, jamwillow, jamwillow!"
But, alas all his struggles were clearly in vain,

Oh, "willow, jamwillow, jamwillow!"

He threw down the arm, and a Drat it!" he gave ;
Then he turned and he ran, though undoubtedly brave,
And he shouted, while striving his bacon to save,
"Oh, willow, jamwillow, jamwillow!"

Now, I feel just as sure as I'm sure that my name
Isn't Willow, jamwillow, jamwillow;

That a cartridge defective had made him exclaim,
"Oh, willow, jamwillow, jamwillow!"

And if something's not done by the War Office-why,
We shall suffer defeat in the sweet by-and-bye,
And our soldiers will wail as they perish or fly,
"Oh, willow, jamwillow, jamwillow!"

Funny Folks, May 9, 1885.

THE WATERBURY" MAIDS.

THREE little maids from school are we, Proper and good, as we ought to be; The reason why, you will shortly see,

Three little maids from school.
We were once "real wild," we took the bun "
For mischievous pranks and daring fun,

So they put a watch on us, every one,
Three little maids from school.
Three little maids so quick and wary.
The best of all watches was necessary,
That's why they picked out the "Waterbury,"
Three little maids at school.

But now we are all "real nice," you know,

And always act as our watches go,

Not the least bit "fast," but by no means "slow,"
Three little maids from school.

From three little maids take these away,
And three little maids would be all astray-
For we'd never be up to the time of day,

Three little maids from school.
Three little maids, delightful very,
Laughing always, so bright and merry,
Everyone with' a Waterbury,"

66

Three little maids from school.

SEWING.

On a seat in the garden

A sweet pretty maid

Was sewing, so sewing, so sewing; And I said to her, "Dearest one! Why thus so staid?

So sewing, so sewing, so sewing.

Is it stitching for somebody over the sea,

Or a slipper you're making for impudent me?" But without looking up she continued to be

Sewing, so sewing, so sewing.

And she sighed a deep sigh as

She sat on that seat

So sewing, so sewing, so sewing; And her forehead was flushed with A feverish heat,

So sewing, so sewing, so sewing.

THE SPRING CLEANING.

THE flowers that bloom in the spring, tra-la,
You buy for the girl you adore,

For a beautiful smile they bring, tra-la,

And cause her your praises to sing, tra-la, Till you wish that you'd only bought more,

And that's what we mean when we say that a thing Is as welcome as flowers that bloom in the Spring. The blushes that bloom on her cheek, tra la, Are painted the men to deceive;

If you doubt, just notice this week, tra la,

When her curls on your arm a rest seek, tra la, How the blushes will soil your coat-sleeve.

And that's what we mean when we angrily speak :

A brush for the blushes that bloom on her cheek.

The flour that blooms in the spring, tra la,
We find in confectioner's cakes;

The children unto 'em will cling, tra la,

Though they're spongy and tough as a string, tra la, And simply are leathery fakes!

And that's why we're sad when they pass us a thing, Made out of the flour that blooms in the spring. The houses we clean in the spring, tra a, Give a blow to all social sunshine, And we profanely say as we sing, tra la,

That we'd like to be hanged on a string, tra la, But we find that it's useless to whine.

And this is the refrain that we dolefully sing, Oh, bother the houses we clean in the spring. THE TUNEFUL LIAR, Quips (Liverpool.) March 4, 1887.

Messrs. Lever Brothers, of Warrington, have published a small pamphlet describing the manufacture of their "Sunlight Soap." It contains "A respectful Per-version of the Mikado," from which the following extracts are given, by permission of Messrs. Lever Brothers :

SONG BY A LADY OF QUALITY.

As some day a washing soap that is harmless may be found, I've got a little list! I've got a little list

Of gowns and things all stowed away, as safe as underground.

Which have constantly been missed! How much they've

all been missed!

There's my charming Dolly Varden, which, alas!

is rather soiled,

My parasol of once white lace, though dirty, it's not spoiled.

My chintzes and chinchillas, China crape, and cream brocade,

My bombazines and silks of every style, and sort,

and shade;

That fetching little bonnet too, in which I first was kissed,

They've all of them been missed! They've all been sadly missed.

Chorus-She's got 'em on her list! She's got 'em on her list; And they've all of 'em been missed! They've all been sadly missed.

One day a friend said Sunlight Soap I really ought to try, And as she did insist, I hunted up my list;

I wondered if it would restore the other things I'd missed.

Chorus-She hunted up her list! She got her little list, And wondered if it would restore the other things she'd missed.

So one by one I brought to light the things I'd laid aside
For I'd got them on my list! They were all upon my list;
The same success attended each experiment I tried,
And they'll never more be missed They'll never more
be missed!

The finest fabrics were unharmed, the tints re-
Imained intact,

You may think I'm romancing, I assure you it's a
fact;

You try the Sunlight Soap, you'll find your labour
much reduced,

I only wish that years ago it had been introduced!
Henceforth no more soiled garments will appear

upon my list,

For, thanks to harmless Sunlight Soap, they'll none of them be missed.

Chorus-She's crossed 'em off her list! She's crossed 'em off her list,

For, thanks to harmless Sunlight Soap, they'l none of 'em be missed!

TRIO OF SUNLIGHT SOAP TABLETS.

THREE little aids to health are we,

Powerful aids in tablets three,

Harbingers all of purity,

Three little aids to health!
Everyone will our virtues own,
Everywhere is our value known,
Everything that is foul hath flown,

From three little aids to health!
Three little tablets, all expelling

Germs of disease from dress and dwelling,
Purity's advent e'er foretelling-

Three little aids to health!
Three little foes to dire decay,
Driving disease and dirt away,
Pleased to disperse their dread array-
Three little aids to health!
All that is foul we render fair,
No earthly boon can with us compare,
Life is a burden few could bear

But for three little aids to health!
Three little tablets, all expelling
Germs of disease from dress and dwelling,
Purity's advent e'er foretelling-
Three little aids to health!

THE REASON WHY.

THE flowers that bloom in the spring,

Tra la,

Breathe promise of merry Sunlight

A PATHETIC BALLAD.

In a cot by a river a lady forlorn Sangwillow, titwillow, titwillow!"

And I said to her, "pretty one, why do you mourn,
Singing willow, titwillow, titwillow?'
Your love will return ere the sun will have set,
Your honeymoon scarce is completed, and yet
With a shake of your head you reply in a pet,
"Oh willow, titwillow, titwillow!'"

But alas she had wedded for love, not for pelf,
Oh willow, titwillow, titwillow!

So she had to get through all the washing herself,
Oh willow, titwillow, titwillow!

She sobbed and she sighed, and a gurgle she gave,
Then she threw herself into the billowy wave,
And an echo arose from the suicide's grave-
"Oh willow, titwillow, titwillow!"

Now I feel just as sure as I'm sure that my name
Isn't willow, titwillow, titwillow,
'Twas inferior soap that thus made her exclaim,
"Oh willow, titwillow, titwillow!"

If Lever's Sunlight Soap she'd happened to buy, Her work had been done without trouble, and I Should never have heard that most desolate cry"Oh willow, titwillow, titwillow!"

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RUDDIGORE;

OR, THE WITCH'S CURSE.

This opera, produced at the Savoy Theatre on Saturday, January 22, 1887, did not at first receive that approval which the Press and the public have hitherto accorded to Messrs. Gilbert and Sullivan's pieces. Objection was taken to the title, and in deference to public opinion the first word was altered from Ruddygore to Ruddigore, whilst several passages which occur in the published version of the libretto are either altered, or omitted, in representation, and generally the piece runs more smoothly than it did when first produced.

That Mr. Gilbert himself had some mistrust of his own passion for logical paradoxes may

Han. But the wife of a dead husband is a widow, Reddy Rod. I suppose she is.

Han.

And a widow is at liberty to marry again, Roddy! Rod. Dear me, yes-that's awkward. I never thought of that.

Han. No, Roddy-I thought you hadn't.

Rod. When you've been a ghost for a considerable time it's astonishing how foggy you become!

The acting copy now also dispenses with the equally ingenious quibbles which appeared to give offence to the audience on the first night, as follows:

Rebin. Stop a bit-both of you.

Red. This intrusion is unmannerly.

Han. I'm surprised at you.

Robin. I can't stop to apologise-an idea has just occurred to me. A Baronet of Ruddygore can only die through refusing to commit his daily crime.

Rod.

No doubt.

Robin. Therefore, to refuse to commit a daily crime is tantamount to suicide!

Rod. It would seem sɔ.

SONGS.

As of some one madly clinging to the bell at his front door; "It is D'Oyly Carte," he muttered, "ringing at my big front door,

Merely this, and nothing more."

Poking then the glowing ember, for 'twas cold as bleak
December,

Gilbert said, "Ah, I remember in the olden time of yore,
Yea, and shall forget it never, though I were to live for ever,
How I vainly did endeavour once to see my 'Pinafore;'
Sat and suffered awful anguish in the stalls at 'Pinafore,'
Just that once, but nevermore."

"For the feeling sad uncertain, at the rising of the curtain, Thrilled me, filled me with such terrors, that a solemn oath I swore,

And the oath have oft repeated, that though kings and queens entreated,

I would ne'er again be seated in the stalls as once before, There to try and see the piece through, as I tried to do before, Now to do so nevermore."

Open here was flung the portal by a pompous powdered mortal, Who then ushered Mr. Carte in, as he oft had done before; Not a moment stopped or stayed he, but a slight obeisance made he,

And in voice of thunder said he, "Mr. Carte," then slammed the door,

And in tones stentorian said he, "Mr. Carte," then slammed the door,

Only this, and nothing more.

Mr Carte then said quite coolly, "Mr. Gilbert, tell me truly,
Have you found a proper title our new Comic Opera for?
Tell this soul with sorrow laden, as you hope to go to Aidenn,
Have you really, really made 'un? Tell, O tell me, I implore!
me, I implore!"
Tell me what its funny name is-tell, O tell
Answered Gilbert-"Ruddygore!"

Carte uprose, alarmed, astounded, by this title much confounded,

For this word of dreadful meaning such a world of horror bore; And he said, "This title gruesome, I feel very sure will do

some

Injury, and we shall lose some thousands ere this piece is o'er ; Such a name will surely ruin both your words and Arthur's

score;

Therefore change it, I implore."

Then said Gilbert, calmly smoking, "D'Oyly Carte, you must be joking;

I have never found a title that I liked so much before,
For it gives the play the seeming of a drama that is teeming
With deeds of blood all streaming, which the people gloat

so o'er ;

Of those deeds all grim and ghastly that the people gloat so o'er ;

Therefore be it Ruddygore,"

And with title so unfitting, people still are nightly sitting
In the gallery, stalls, and boxes, from the ceiling to the floor;
And although they can't help glancing at D. Lely when he's
dancing,

Think Miss Brandram's song entrancing, and give Grossmith

an encore,

Still all cry, "Oh, Gilbert, Gilbert, change this title, 'Ruddygore.'

Not in spelling-we want more."

Pall Mall Gazette. February 12, 1887.

:0:

E. B. V.