felt anything of the kind. "Ah! no," returned the wit, "but your pieces have been acted before."

19.

TOM SHERIDAN once mentioned to his

father that he thought of going down a "Go down a coal mine!" exclaimed

coal mine. the other, astonished; "what is your reason?" "Oh!" said Tom, "I think it would be rather a nice thing to say that one had been down a pit."

Well, but you can say so," returned his father.

SHERI

20.

"Whose

HERIDAN told his son that he thought it was high time for him to take a wife. wife shall I take, sir ?" was the inquiry.

Том

21.

OM fell into disgrace with his father on one occasion, and the latter threatened that, unless he altered his courses, he would cut him off with a shilling. "You don't happen to have that shilling about you, sir?" asked Tom, undaunted, and knowing his customer.

ONE

22.

NE of Jerrold's acquaintances, in trying to make it as clear as possible to him how closely their interests corresponded, observed at last, "In fact, you know, we row in the same boat." "With what different sculls!" replied Jerrold.

ashore, and others waded into the water to fish ; and when they went home, they said to each other, "We have done wonders to-day in wading; I hope that none of us that left home are drowned." "Ah!" said they to each other, "let us see about that; for twelve of us went a-fishing." So they counted themselves, and nobody could make out more than eleven; for each forgot to count himself. "Alas!" they said to each other, "one of us is drowned." They returned to the pond, where they had fished, and looked up and down everywhere for the missing man, till a gentleman riding by came up, and asked them what it was that they had lost. "Oh," said they, "to-day we went out to fish, twelve of us, and one of us cannot be found." "Indeed," said the gentleman, "how many are there of you now?" "Eleven," said one, reckoning them up, but leaving himself out as before. "Well," said the gentleman, enjoying the joke, "what shall I have if I find the twelfth man?" "Sir," they said, "all our money." "Give it me, then," said he; and he began with the first, giving him a smart blow over the shoulders, and saying, "You're one." So he served them all round; and when he came to the last, he dealt him a harder knock than he had done the rest, and said, "He's twelve." "God bless your heart, sir," exclaimed all of them, "for finding our poor neighbour !"

WHEN

24.

HEN Sir Thomas More was one day on the flat leaded roof of his house at Chelsea, a lunatic succeeded somehow in getting to him, and tried to throw him down, crying, "Leap, Tom, leap." The Chancellor was in his dressing-gown, and, besides, was too old a man to have any chance against the madman. Sir Thomas had a little dog with him. "Let's throw him down first," said he, "and see what good fun that will be ;" so the fellow took up the animal, and threw him down. "Now," said More, run and fetch him back, and let us try again, for I think it is good sport." The madman went, and as soon as he had disappeared, More rose and secured the door.

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25.

A TIRESOME boy, that kept his father's sheep

in the country, used to carry a pack of cards in his pocket, and meeting with boys as good as himself, would fall to cards at the Cambrian game of whip-her-ginny, or English one-and-thirty-at which sport he would sometimes lose a sheep or two; for which, if his father corrected him, he, in revenge, would drive the sheep home at night over a narrow bridge, where some of them, falling from the bridge, were drowned in the brook. The old man, wearied of this behaviour, complained to a magistrate, thinking to frighten him out of doing the same thing again. So, before the magistrate

the youth was brought, and the magistrate said to him, "Sir, you are a young villain; you play at cards, and lose your father's sheep at one-andthirty." The boy replied that it was false. "False!" said the justice; "you saucy rogue, do you mean to contradict me?" "No," said the boy, "I didn't; but you are quite wrong, for I never lost a sheep in my life at one-and-thirty; for when I had one-and-thirty it was always my game."

"Ah," said the justice, "well, that's true; but here's a second charge I have to bring against you, which is, that you drive your father's sheep over a narrow bridge, where some of them are often drowned." "That's false," said the boy. "How?" said the justice. "Because," said the boy, "those that go over the bridge are all right, it's only such as tumble into the river that are drowned." Upon which the justice addressed the boy's father thus: "Old man, you have preferred two false accusations against your son; for it appears that he never lost sheep at one-and-thirty, and that there were none drowned which went over the bridge."

26.

AN old gentleman, having occasion for a foot

own.

man, persuaded his nephew to part with his

The servant left his young master with reluctance, yet, believing it would be for his interest, he went to him. The old gentleman received him with great satisfaction, and asked him if he understood sequences. "I don't know, sir," replies

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the man; "if you will please to explain what you mean by sequences, I shall give you an answer." Why, thus," says he, "for instance; when I bid you lay the cloth, you are to put the knives, forks, salt, etc., on the table." "Oh, sir," replies the footman, "if that's all, I make no doubt but I shall please you." His master, being taken ill one morning, ordered him to fetch him a nurse with all speed; however, he did not return till late at night. The moment he came into his master's presence, he reproached him severely for staying so long, when he had sent him on business of such importance. The fellow made no reply till the heat of his passion was abated; when he began by telling him that he went and found the nurse, who was below; the sequence of a nurse, he thought, was an apothecary, an apothecary was below; the sequence of an apothecary was a doctor, a doctor was below; the sequence of a doctor was a surgeon, a surgeon was below; the sequence of a surgeon was an undertaker, an undertaker was below." The old gentleman was so pleased with his man's sagacity, that he ordered him to fetch a lawyer to make a codicil to his will, in which he left him a handsome legacy.

27.

TWO men, who had not seen one another for

a great while, meeting by chance, one asked the other how he did? He replied, he was not very well, and had been married since he saw him.