CHAPTER XXV APPROBATION The term "desire for approbation” is employed here in a broader sense than is ordinarily implied in popular usage. It is the fundamental social desire and is based on the natural development of the personality through association with other persons. It is the desire of the individual for self-expression in his relations with other individuals and is therefore one of the strongest motives for associated life. It differs from the other desires in not being the basis of particular social institutions. While it is most clearly manifest in social life in the narrower meaning of the term, that is association for its own sake, - it asserts itself also in all forms of association whatever their purpose. Individual Development Through Association. The psychological basis of the desire for approbation has been clearly set forth by the social psychologists in their analysis of child development. The child at first seems to have no idea of self. Indeed, its first conception of personality is that of another's obtained through physical contact with the mother. Later it becomes able to differentiate itself from other persons and other objects, and to realize itself as an individual like other individuals. In other words, a perception of other personalities precedes a perception of self. This apprehension of the physical self is the first phase of self-consciousness. Other phases follow the same path. The child becomes sensible of the qualities of other individuals and then applies them to himself; and qualities which he discovers in himself he reads into others. This dialectic of the growth of personality then is a matter of give and take between oneself and other individuals. The idea of personality is obtained from a knowledge of others interpreted in terms of one's own experience; and the growth of personality proceeds by the alternate steps of increased knowledge of others and of enlarged personal experience. In this process certain traits in individuals appear desirable and others undesirable; and a composite of desirable traits makes up for the individual at any particular time an ideal personality. In the case of the young child the standard of desirability is necessarily formed from traits possessed by other members of the family. And the qualities which seem desirable are those which afford him pleasure, or those which continually find favor with persons about him, whether such qualities are in themselves admirable or not. As the child's circle of acquaintance enlarges, new characteristics are constantly encountered which must be evaluated. These new characteristics are at first judged by the unconscious standards already formed; but early standards are plastic and may easily be modified and enlarged. As the child grows older the characteristics of the ideal personality are no longer confined to those possessed by actual associates. Characters, either historical or fictitious, encountered in the course of reading, exercise powerful influences in the formation of his ideals. Thus from knowledge of actual and of fictitious persons a set of ideal traits is formed; and the individual endeavors to develop those traits in himself, or at least he pretends that he possesses them. Other individuals he classifies according to his standard. Those possessing the ideal qualities he approves, and if possible he makes them his associates and accepts them as examples. Persons failing to show desirable characters, or those manifesting conspicuously undesirable traits, do not meet his approval; and, although physical conditions may necessitate his associating more or less intimately with them, their approval of his actions is never so acceptable to him as is the approval of persons who conform more closely to his ideal. However, no one is entirely unaffected by the approval or disapproval of any associate, since there are qualities common to all upon which everyone is therefore competent to judge. Egoism and Altruism. It follows from this process of individual development that egoism and altruism are not two different and opposing sentiments but are merely separate phases of the general process of personal growth. Either one may become uppermost according to circumstances. When we meet persons exhibiting new and admirable traits, or when we are surrounded by our superiors, the self feeling is likely to be subordinated to the alter feeling. On the other hand, when we are in company with intimates with whom our relations are informal, or when we are associating with inferiors, we are more aggressive in selfassertion, and the egoistic side is relatively prominent. In the course of individual growth the egoistic and altruistic sides are likely to alternate at different stages of development. Periods of rapid growth and varied experiences absorb the attention and produce an inner concentration accentuating the feeling of selfimportance. After new ideas are fully digested and we become accustomed to the higher level of consciousness attained, we lose something of our self-centered attitude and are more tolerant of and interested in other personalities. And when we become dissatisfied with our own attainments and reach out to others for new ideas and experiences, or even when for any reason the achievements or the needs of others are particularly conspicuous, the attention is likely to be shifted away from the self, and the regard for, or consideration of, other personalities reaches its maximum. In the long run the self feeling is likely to predominate, because we do not always recognize the best traits in others while we can feel and appreciate fully all our own better impulses even when they lead to no external expression; and, knowing all our inner motives, we more readily excuse faults in ourselves than the same faults seen in others. Hence the tendency is for each individual to overestimate the attributes of self and underestimate the qualities of others. The ideal condition would be equal development of the self feeling and the alter feeling, so that a similar valuation would be put on identical qualities whether found in oneself or in others. In a society of equals this condition would tend to be realized through intimate association, for by such means the true character and worth of each individual would be learned. In a society with class distinctions, however, accurate estimates of other individuals are much more difficult to obtain, for our ideals of personal values are influenced by external signs such as wealth and position. In modern society children early absorb the prevalent idea of social inequalities. Their ideas are prejudiced by external appearances and by many forms of subtle suggestion. True association is therefore hampered, and personal traits are not judged by intrinsic worth, and sentiments of inequality are perpetuated. However, it must not be inferred that preconceived estimates are always incorrect. External appearances may frequently be the reflection of actual personal qualities, or actual qualities may be modified if not determined by external conditions. Individual Development and the Desire for Approbation. The rôle which society plays in the development of personality helps to explain the nature and importance of the desire for approbation. If the individual develops through association with and a knowledge of other individuals, then he naturally estimates his acts from the judgments of others. If their judgment is favorable he is satisfied or even encouraged; if unfavorable, ordinarily he modifies his conduct. Merely to say that the individual is influenced by the opinion of others is however altogether too mild a statement. The favorable opinion of others is so indispensable that its attainment becomes one of the strongest motives for conduct. Social judgments are the common directing agents in the growth of the personality. Sensations of pleasure or of pain, arising out of the judgments of others, guide social conduct just as physical sensations guide the activity of the physical body. To the extent that individuals are similar because of similar social contacts, their judgments are naturally accepted by one another as proper estimates of conduct. Favorable and Unfavorable Manifestations of the Desire for Approbation. The psychological desires, like the physical, have normal and abnormal manifestations. So far as the individual is concerned the chief advartage of the desire for approbation is realized when he gains from others the best judgments they have to offer. Yet since social judgments may often be diverse or uncertain, it is evident that social approval cannot in all cases be a final criterion and a more stable standard must be found with which to evaluate the judgment of society itself. The objectionable side of the desire for approbation usually appears when the individual makes the satisfaction of social approval an end instead of a means. Evil results do not however immediately or inevitably follow the direct pursuit of social approval any more than physical injury necessarily results from eating for the pleasure of eating. In both cases nevertheless excesses and perversions are more likely to occur when pleasure is the end sought. The undesirable effects of social approbation are most frequently seen in the excesses of social life. The desire for self-assertion and the struggle for superiority become so absorbing as to interfere with normal development along cultural lines. Even those who seek their pleasure in companionship rather than in social position may carry social relations to an extreme and fail to realize the highest benefit to be derived from social intercourse. The danger is that intimate association, which gives a true knowledge of other personalities, will be replaced by wide superficial acquaintance and a multitude of temporary social contacts. In intense social life of the superficial sort social judgments are likely to be warped and approbation as a social guide to conduct becomes unreliable. Moreover honest and spontaneous judgments are likely to be superseded by guarded or dishonest expressions of approval, given for the mere purpose of affording gratification; and the individual finds enjoyment in them even when he, if less credulous, might doubt their sincerity. Wherever pleasure in the honest approval of society is replaced by satisfaction in flattery, the desire for approbation has become perverted, and no benefit can be derived from it. Social approbation has many methods and degrees of expression, indicated by such terms as flattery, notoriety, praise, power, domination, and distinction. And among the means of gaining approbation are affectation, pose, rivalry, emulation, originality, etc. The development of the desire itself consists in passing from the more ignoble to the more praiseworthy methods of obtaining social approval. Another danger connected with the social desire arises from possible abnormal or one-sided developments of the personality. The individual may acquire an excessive development of the self feeling as compared with the alter feeling; or, less frequently perhaps, he may underestimate his own value and display excessive humility or subservience. Extreme departures from the normal affect the social relations as well as the individual, for |