"Now, having got so far, I
Find that (by the Lord Harry!)
The fourth is left nothing to carry;
So there the thing remains."

Translated by Father Prout

MARK TWAIN: A PIPE DREAM

WELL I recall how first I met

Mark Twain-an infant barely three

Rolling a tiny cigarette

While cooing on his nurse's knee.

Since then in every sort of place

I've met with Mark and heard him joke, Yet how can I describe his face?

I never saw it for the smoke.

At school he won a smokership,

At Harvard College (Cambridge, Mass.) His name was soon on every lip,

They made him "smoker" of his class.

Who will forget his smoking bout

With Mount Vesuvius-our cheers

When Mount Vesuvius went out
And didn't smoke again for years?

The news was flashed to England's King,
Who begged Mark Twain to come and stay,
Offered him dukedoms-anything

To smoke the London fog away.

But Mark was firm. "I bow," said he, "To no imperial command,

No ducal coronet for me,

My smoke is for my native land!"

From a Full Heart

For Mark there waits a brighter crown!
When Peter comes his card to read-
He'll take the sign "No Smoking" down,
Then Heaven will be Heaven indeed.

Oliver Herford.

31

FROM A FULL HEART

IN days of peace my fellow-men

Rightly regarded me as more like

A Bishop than a Major-Gen.,

And nothing since has made me warlike;
But when this age-long struggle ends
And I have seen the Allies dish up
The goose of Hindenburg-oh, friends!
I shall out-bish the mildest Bishop.

When the War is over and the Kaiser's out of print
I'm going to buy some tortoises and watch the beggars sprint;
When the War is over and the sword at last we sheathe
I'm going to keep a jelly-fish and listen to it breathe.

I never really longed for gore,

And any taste for red corpuscles

That lingered with me left before

The German troops had entered Brussels.

In early days the Colonel's "'Shun!"

Froze me; and as the war grew older

The noise of some one else's gun

Left me considerably colder.

When the War is over and the battle has been won
I'm going to buy a barnacle and take it for a run;
When the War is over and the German fleet we sink
I'm going to keep a silkworm's egg and listen to it think.

The Captains and the Kings depart

It may be so, but not lieutenants; Dawn after weary dawn I start

The never ending round of penance;

One rock amid the welter stands

On which my gaze is fixed intently: An after-life in quiet lands

Lived very lazily and gently.

When the War is over and we've done the Belgians proud
I'm going to keep a chrysalis and read to it aloud;
When the War is over and we've finished up the show
I'm going to plant a lemon pip and listen to it grow.

Oh, I'm tired of the noise and turmoil of battle,
And I'm even upset by the lowing of cattle,
And the clang of the bluebells is death to my liver,
And the roar of the dandelion gives me a shiver,
And a glacier, in movement, is much too exciting,
And I'm nervous, when standing on one, of alighting-
Give me Peace; that is all, that is all that I seek..
Say, starting on Saturday week.

A. A. Milne.

THE ULTIMATE JOY

I HAVE felt the thrill of passion in the poet's mystic book
And I've lingered in delight to catch the rhythm of the brook;
I've felt the ecstasy that comes when prima donnas reach
For upper C and hold it in a long, melodious screech.
And yet the charm of all these blissful memories fades away
As I think upon the fortune that befell the other day,
As I bring to recollection, with a joyous, wistful sigh,
That I woke and felt the need of extra covers in July.

Oh, eerie hour of drowsiness-'twas like a fairy spell,
That respite from the terrors we have known, alas, so well,
The malevolent mosquito, with a limp and idle bill,
Hung supinely from the ceiling, all exhausted by his chill.
And the early morning sunbeam lost his customary leer
And brought a gracious greeting and a prophecy of cheer;
A generous affability reached up from earth to sky,
When I woke and felt the need of extra covers in July.

Old Fashioned Fun

In every life there comes a time of happiness supreme,
When joy becomes reality and not a glittering dream.
'Tis less appreciated, but it's worth a great deal more

33

Than tides which taken at their flood lead on to fortune's

shore.

How vain is Art's illusion, and how potent Nature's sway When once in kindly mood she deigns to waft our woes

away!

And the memory will cheer mc, though all other pleasures

fly,

Of how I woke and needed extra covers in July.

Unknown.

OLD FASHIONED FUN

WHEN that old joke was new,
It was not hard to joke,
And puns we now pooh-pooh,
Great laughter would provoke.

True wit was seldom heard,

And humor shown by few,

When reign'd King George the Third,
And that old joke was new.

It passed indeed for wit,

Did this achievement rare,

When down your friend would sit,

To steal away his chair.

You brought him to the floor,

You bruised him black and blue,
And this would cause a roar,
When your old joke was new.

W. M. Thackeray.

WHEN MOONLIKE ORE THE HAZURE SEAS

WHEN moonlike ore the hazure seas

In soft effulgence swells,

When silver jews and balmy breaze
Bend down the Lily's bells;
When calm and deap, the rosy sleap
Has lapt your soal in dreems,
R Hangeline! R lady mine!
Dost thou remember Jeames?

I mark thee in the Marble all,
Where England's loveliest shine-
I say the fairest of them hall
Is Lady Hangeline.

My soul, in desolate eclipse,

With recollection teems

And then I hask, with weeping lips,
Dost thou remember Jeames?

Away! I may not tell thee hall
This soughring heart endures-
There is a lonely sperrit-call

That Sorrow never cures;
There is a little, little Star,

That still above me beams;

It is the Star of Hope-but ar!

Dost thou remember Jeames?

W. M. Thackeray.

WHEN THE FROST IS ON THE PUNKIN

WHEN the frost is on the punkin and the fodder's in the shock, And you hear the kyouck and gobble of the struttin' turkey

cock,

And the clackin' of the guineys, and the cluckin' of the hens,
And the rooster's hallylooyer as he tiptoes on the fence;
O it's then's the times a feller is a-feelin' at his best,
With the risin' sun to greet him from a night of peaceful rest,