KINDLY ADVICE

Be kind to the panther! for when thou wert young, In thy country far over the sea,

'Twas a panther ate up thy papa and mama, And had several mouthfuls of thee!

Be kind to the badger! for who shall decide
The depth of his badgery soul?

And think of the tapir, when flashes the lamp
O'er the fast and the free flowing bowl.

Be kind to the camel! nor let word of thine
Ever put up his bactrian back;

And cherish the she-kangaroo with her bag,
Nor venture to give her the sack.

Be kind to the ostrich! for how canst thou hope

To have such a stomach as it?

And when the proud day of your "bridal" shall come, Do give the poor birdie a "bit."

Be kind to the walrus! nor ever forget
To have it on Tuesday to tea;
But butter the crumpets on only one side,
Save such as are eaten by thee.

Be kind to the bison! and let the jackal
In the light of thy love have a share;
And coax the ichneumon to grow a new tail,
And have lots of larks in its lair!

Be kind to the bustard, that genial bird,
And humour its wishes and ways;

And when the poor elephant suffers from bile,
Then tenderly lace up his stays!

Unknown.

To Be or Not To Be

891

KINDNESS TO ANIMALS

SPEAK gently to the herring and kindly to the calf,
Be blithesome with the bunny, at barnacles don't laugh!
Give nuts unto the monkey, and buns unto the bear,

Ne'er hint at currant jelly if you chance to see a hare!

Oh, little girls, pray hide your combs when tortoises draw

nigh,

And never in the hearing of a pigeon whisper Pie!
But give the stranded jelly-fish a shove into the sea,-
Be always kind to animals wherever you may be!

Oh, make not game of sparrows, nor faces at the ram,
And ne'er allude to mint sauce when calling on a lamb.
Don't beard the thoughtful oyster, don't dare the cod to
crimp,

Don't cheat the pike, or ever try to pot the playful shrimp. Tread lightly on the turning worm, don't bruise the butterfly,

Don't ridicule the wry-neck, nor sneer at salmon-fry;

Oh, ne'er delight to make dogs fight, nor bantams disagree,Be always kind to animals wherever you may be!

Be lenient with lobsters, and ever kind to crabs,
And be not disrespectful to cuttle-fish or dabs;
Chase not the Cochin-China, chaff not the ox obese,
And babble not of feather-beds in company with geese.
Be tender with the tadpole, and let the limpet thrive,
Be merciful to mussels, don't skin your eels alive;
When talking to a turtle don't mention calipee-
Be always kind to animals wherever you may be.
J. Ashby-Sterry.

TO BE OR NOT TO BE

I

I SOMETIMES think I'd rather crow
And be a rooster than to roost
And be a crow. But I dunno.

II

A rooster he can roost also,

Which don't seem fair when crows can't crow.
Which may help some.

Still I dunno.

III

Crows should be glad of one thing, though;

Nobody thinks of eating crow,

While roosters they are good enough

For anyone unless they're tough.

IV

There are lots of tough old roosters, though,
And anyway a crow can't crow,

So mebby roosters stand more show.

It looks that way. But I dunno.

Unknown.

THE HEN

WAS once a hen of wit not small

(In fact, 'twas not amazing),

And apt at laying eggs withal,

Who, when she'd done, would scream and bawl,

As if the house were blazing.

A turkey-cock, of age mature,
Felt thereat indignation;

'Twas quite improper, he was sure-
He would no more the thing endure;

So, after cogitation,

He to the lady straight repaired,
And thus his business he declared:
"Madam, pray, what's the matter,
That always, when you've laid an egg,
You make so great a clatter?
I wish you'd do the thing in quiet.
Do be advised by me, and try it."

Of Baiting the Lion

"Advised by you!" the lady cried,
And tossed her head with proper pride;
"And what do you know, now I pray,
Of the fashion of the present day,
You creature ignorant and low?
However, if you want to know,
This is the reason why I do it:
I lay my egg, and then review it!"

893

Matthew Claudius.

OF BAITING THE LION

REMEMBERING his taste for blood

You'd better bait him with a cow;
Persuade the brute to chew the cud
Her tail suspended from a bough;
It thrills the lion through and through.
To hear the milky creature moo.

Having arranged this simple ruse,
Yourself you climb a neighboring tree;
See to it that the spot you choose
Commands the coming tragedy;
Take up a smallish Maxim gun,
A search-light, whisky, and a bun.

It's safer, too, to have your bike
Standing immediately below,
In case your piece should fail to strike,
Or deal an ineffective blow;

The Lion moves with perfect grace,
But cannot go the scorcher's pace.

Keep open ear for subtle signs;

Thus, when the cow profusely moans,

That means to say, the Lion dines.

The crunching sound, of course, is bones;

Silence resumes her ancient reign

This shows the cow is out of pain.

But when a fat and torpid hum
Escapes the eater's unctuous nose,
Turn up the light and let it come
Full on his innocent repose;
.Then pour your shot between his eyes,
And go on pouring till he dies.

Play, even so, discretion's part;

Descend with stealth; bring on your gun;
Then lay your hand above his heart
To see if he is really done;

Don't skin him till you know he's dead
Or you may perish in his stead!

Years hence, at home, when talk is tall,
You'll set the gun-room wide agape,
Describing how with just a small
Pea-rifle, going after ape

You met a Lion unaware,

And felled him flying through the air.

Owen Seaman.

THE FLAMINGO

Inspired by reading a chorus of spirits in a German play

OH! tell me have you

Oh! tell me have you

FIRST VOICE

ever seen a red, long-leg'd Flamingo? ever yet seen him the water in go?

SECOND VOICE

Oh! yes at Bowling-Green I've seen a red long-leg'd Flamingo, Oh! yes at Bowling-Green I've there seen him the water

in go.

FIRST VOICE

Oh! tell me did you ever see a bird so funny stand-o

When forth he from the water comes and gets upon the land-o?