You have the fairest prospect of conjugal felicity now open before you, by your marriage with a gentleman, not only of figure and fortune, but of great knowledge and understanding: who values you not so much for the charms of your person, as for those of your mind, which will always give you the surest hold of him; as they will every day be gathering strength, whilst the others are daily losing it. Beauty has great power to conciliate affection, but cannot preserve it without the help of the mind; whatever the perfections of the one may be, the accomplishments of the other will always be the more amiable, and, in the married state especially, will be found, after all, the most solid and lasting basis of domestic comfort. But I am using the privilege of my years, and instead of compliments, giving lessons to one who does not need them. I shall only add, therefore, my repeated wishes of all the happiness that matrimony can give both to you and Mr. Montagu, to whose worthy character I am no stranger, though I have not the honour to be known to him in person; and that I am with, sincere respect, madam, Your faithful friend, And obedient servant, CONYERS MIDDLETON. LETTER III. Dr. Conyers Middleton to Mrs. Montagu.---On the same. Madam, subject. Hildersham, Oct, 4, 1742. I should have paid my thanks much earlier for your obliging and entertaining letter, if business of various kinds had not constantly prevented me, til I was forced to a resolution of being prevented no longer. I now, therefore, beg leave to assure you, that your letter gave me great pleasure on many accounts: but above all, by letting me see that you are not only perfectly at ease, and happy in your late change of condition, but furnished with all the materials proper to secure that happiness for life; since the principles which you lay down for your conduct in it, cannot fail to draw every good out of it, which it can possibly yield. Young ladies who have been admired as beauties, are apt to consider a husband as an acquisition of conquest, and to be shocked at the thought of being reduced by marriage to a state of subjection; and from a resolution to shake off this yoke, often lay the foundation of a contest which begins with matrimony itself, and continues sometimes to the end of it. But this capital point you wisely give up at once, and profess the duty of submission as essential to the character of a good wife; a condescension, that cannot betray you into any inconvenience, since a reasonable husband will never require more of it than is due; and a kind one will always be content with less, and when convinced of the disposition, will generally dispense with the act. As your profession, I dare say, is sincere, I may trust you with a paradox, which you will certainly find to be true, that the more submissive you are, the less you will be obliged to submit; and should it be your ambition even to govern, you will accomplish it with the most ease, by acknowledging yourself a subject. Between a married couple of sense and affection, for it is with such only that any happiness can be found, there can hardly be any dispute but what must turn upon trifles, or the contrast, perhaps, of some little habits, which, though indifferent in themselves, cannot suffer a contradiction without some regret. But as these are common to both sexes, and every person has his foibles in some degree or other, it must be the business of reason to make this matter easy by mutual compliances, or a cartel, as it were, of exchange; where those, however, who happen to yield the most, will, by that conquest over themselves, which of all others is the most beneficial, be sure to be the greatest gainers in the end. As I have formerly been a musician, a reflection has sometimes occurred to me, from that art, which might, I think, be applied, with good effect, to the married state. From the pains and patience, which are required to put an instrument in tune, before it can afford us any music, I have been induced to wonder why the married pair, who are mutually the instruments of that harmony on which each other's comfort depends, should be generally so regardless of the necessary care of tuning, or reducing each other's temper to its proper tone, by softening it when too sharp, and raising it when too low: for I am persuaded that much less pains, than what we employ, without scruple. upon a harpsichord, would keep both the husband and wife in, what we call, concert pitch. But some perhaps may be apt to raise a different reflection from the same subject; that discords in matrimony, like those in music, are both useful and necessary, to enhance and strengthen the harmony of the close. But the comparison will not hold, for the experiment will always be dangerous in the married state, where they may be compared more justly to those slight indispositions of the body, which, though they do not threaten the ruin of the whole, yet are apt to weaken some part; and whose proper use is to admonish us to guard our health with the greater care. short, if two enemies should be forced by any accident to be comrades for life, the necessity of the thing would oblige them to become friends. The same reason then, one would think, should more strongly engage a pair of friends, tied together by choice and affection in a partnership inseparable, to extirpate every sced of discord, that might possibly arise betwixt them. In I have thrown together these few observations from my long experience of the married life, not by way of counsel, which you do not want; but in confirmation of those excellent resolutions which your own good sense has suggested to you, and as a testimony of my regard, and of my sincere wishes for your prosperity. By this time, I suppose, you begin to think of quitting the country, and returning to your winter quarters in town; Cambridge is but a little out of your road, where we should be proud to receive you at our house. We may plead some kind of right to expect this favour from you both, since this University had the honour of Mr. Montagu's education, and claims some share also in yours. I did not know that your sister was with you, or I should have added our compliments to her, which I desire you to make; and with our wishes of all happiness to Mr. Montagu and yourself, I beg leave to subscribe myself, madam, Your affectionate friend, CONYERS MIDDLETON. LETTER IV. Miss Talbot to a new-born infant*. You are heartily welcome, my dear little cousin, into this unquiet world! Long may you continue in it, in all the happiness it can give; and bestow enough on your friends, to answer fully the impatience with which you have been expected! May you grow up to have every accomplishment that your good friend, the bishop of Derryt, can already imagine in you; and, in the mean time, may you have a nurse with a tunable voice, who will not talk an immoderate deal of nonsense to you! You are at present, my dear, in a very philosophical disposition. The gaities and follies of life have The daughter of Mr. John Talbot, and the grand-daughter of the lord chancellor Talbot. + Dr. Rundle. : no attraction for you. Its sorrows you kindly commiserate but, however, do not suffer them to disturb your slumbers; find charms in nothing but harmony and repose. You have as yet contracted no partialities; you are entirely ignorant of party distinctions; and you look with a perfect indifference on all human splendour. You have an absolute dislike to the vanities of dress: and are likely for many months, to observe the bishop of Bristol's* first rule of conversation, Silence; though tempted to transgress it by the novelty and strangeness of all the objects round you. As you advance farther in life, this philosophical temper will, by degrees, wear off. The first object of your admiration will probably be the candle; and, thence, you will contract a taste, (as we all do,) for the gaudy and the glaring, without making one moral reflection on the danger of such false admiration, as leads people many a time to burn their fingers. You will then begin to show great partiality for some very good aunts, who will contribute all they can towards spoiling you. And you will be very fond of an excellent mamma, who will teach you, by her example, all sorts of good qualities. But let me warn you of one thing, my dear: and that is, not to learn of her to have so immoderate a love of home, as is quite contrary to all privileges of this polite age; and to give up entirely all those pretty graces of whim, flutter and affection, which so many charitable poets have declared to be the prerogative of our sex. O! my poor cousin, to what purpose will you boast this prerogative, when your nurse, with a pious care, to sow the seeds of jealousy and emulation as early as possible, tells you that you have a fine little brother come to put your nose out of joint? There will be nothing to be done then, but to be very good; and prove what, believe me, admits of very little dispute, Dr. Secker. |