Gluggity Glug.

A JOLLY fat friar loved liquor good store,
And he had drunk stoutly at supper;
He mounted his horse in the night at the door,
And sat with his face to the crupper.

"Some rogue," quoth the friar, "quite dead to remorse, Some thief, whom a halter will throttle,

Some scoundrel has cut off the head of my horse,

While I was engaged at the bottle,

Which went gluggity, gluggity-glug-glug-glug.'

The tail of the steed pointed south on the dale,

'T was the friar's road home, straight and level; But, when spurred, a horse follows his nose, not his tail, So he scampered due north like a devil.

"This new mode of docking," the friar then said, "I perceive does n't make a horse trot ill;

"And 't is cheap, for he never can eat off his head

While I am engaged at the bottle,

Which goes gluggity, gluggity-glug-glug-glug."

The steed made a stop-in a pond he had got,

He was rather for drinking than grazing;

Quoth the friar, ""T is strange headless horses should trot, But to drink with their tails is amazing!'

Turning round to see whence this phenomenon rose,
In the pond fell this son of a pottle;

Quoth he, "The head 's found, for I 'm under his nose,―
I wish I were over a bottle,

Which goes gluggity, gluggity-glug-glug--glug."

GEORGE COLMAN.

Here she Goes-and There she Goes.

Two Yankee wags, one summer day,
Stopped at a tavern on their way;

Supped, frolicked, late retired to rest,
And woke to breakfast on the best.

The breakfast over, Tom and Will

Sent for the landlord and the bill;
Will looked it over; "Very right—
But hold! what wonder meets my sight?
Tom! the surprise is quite a shock!"

"What wonder? where?" "The clock! the clock!

Tom and the landlord in amaze

Stared at the clock with stupid gaze,

And for a moment neither spoke;

At last the landlord silence broke:

"You mean the clock that 's ticking there?
I see no wonder, I declare;

Though may be, if the truth were told,
'T is rather ugly-somewhat old;
Yet time it keeps to half a minute,
But, if you please, what wonder 's in it?"

"Tom, do n't you recollect," said Will, "The clock in Jersey near the mill,

The very image of this present,

With which I won the wager pleasant?"

Will ended with a knowing wink

Tom scratched his head, and tried to think.

"Sir, begging pardon for inquiring,"

The landlord said, with grin admiring, "What wager was it?"

"You remember,

It happened, Tom, in last December.

In sport I bet a Jersey Blue
That it was more than he could do,

To make his finger go and come

In keeping with the pendulum,
Repeating, till one hour should close,
Still'Here she goes-and there she goes'—
He lost the bet in half a minute."

"Well, if I would, the deuce is in it!" Exclaimed the landlord; "try me yet, And fifty dollars be the bet."

"Agreed, but we will play some trick To make you of the bargain sick!" "I'm up to that!"

"Do n't make us wait;

Begin, the clock is striking eight."
He seats himself, and left and right
His finger wags with all his might,
And hoarse his voice, and hoarser grows,
With "Here she goes—and there she goes!"

"Hold," said the Yankee, "plank the ready!" The landlord wagged his fingers steady While his left hand, as well as able, Conveyed a purse upon the table. “Tom, with the money let's be off!" This made the landlord only scoff.

He heard them running down the stair,
But was not tempted from his chair.
Thought he, "The fools! I'll bite them yet!
So poor a trick sha' n't win the bet."
And loud and loud the chorus rose
Of" Here she goes-and there she goes!
While right and left his finger swung,
In keeping to his clock and tongue.

His mother happened in, to see
Her daughter. "Where is Mrs. B-
When will she come, as you suppose?
Son!"

"Here she goes-and there she goes!" "Here! where ?"—the lady in surprise His finger followed with her eyes; "Son, why that steady gaze and sad? Those words that motion-are you mad? But here's your wife-perhaps she knows, And-"

"Here she goes-and there she goes!"

His wife surveyed him with alarm,
And rushed to him and seized his arm;
He shook her off, and to and fro
His finger persevered to go,

While curled his very nose with ire,
That she against him should conspire,
And with more furious tone arose

The "Here she goes—and there she goes!'

"Lawks!" screamed the wife, "I'm in a whirl!

Run down and bring the little girl;

She is his darling, and who knows
But-"

"Here she goes-and there she goes!"

"Lawks! he is mad! What made him thus?
Good Lord! what will become of us?
Run for a doctor-run-run-run-

For Doctor Brown, and Doctor Dun,
And Doctor Black, and Doctor White,
And Doctor Grey, with all your might."

The doctors came, and looked and wondered,
And shook their heads, and paused and pondered,
Till one proposed he should be bled,

"No-leeched, you mean," the other said—

"Clap on a blister," roared another,

"No-cup him "-"No-trepan him, brother!"

A sixth would recommend a purge,
The next would an emetic urge,

The eighth, just come from a dissection,
His verdict gave for an injection;
The last produced a box of pills,

A certain cure for earthly ills; "I had a patient yesternight,"

Quoth he, "and wretched was her plight,
And as the only means to save her,
Three dozen patent pills I gave her,
And by to-morrow, I suppose
That "

"Here she goes-and there she goes!"

"You all are fools," the lady said,
"The way is, just to shave his head,
Run, bid the barber come anon-

"" Thanks, mother," thought her clever son,

“You help the knaves that would have bit me,

But all creation sha' n't outwit me!"

Thus to himself, while to and fro

His finger perseveres to go,

And from his lips no accent flows

But "Here she goes-and there she goes!"
The barber came-"Lord help him! what
A queer customer I 've got;

But we must do our best to save him

So hold him, gemmen, while I shave him!"
But here the doctors interpose-

"A woman never-'

“There she goes!"

"A woman is no judge of physic,

Not even when her baby is sick.

He must be bled"-"No-no-a blister

"A purge you mean "—“I say a clyster

"No-cup him". -"leech him "—"pills! pills! pills! And all the house the uproar fills.