The following parody appeared originally in a clever little Cambridge University Magazine, entitled Light Green, which has long been out of print. Light Green contained many excellent parodies, notable amongst them being :-The May Exam., after Tennyson; The Song of the Shirk, after Hood; The Heathen Pass-ee, after Bret Harte; and The Vulture and the Husbandman, after Lewis Carroll. These, with several other amusing pieces of poetry, have been reprinted in a small pamphlet, which can be obtained from W. Metcalfe and Son, Trinity. street, Cambridge.

THE MAY EXAM.

(By Alfred Pennysong).

"Semper floreat

Poeta Laureat." -HORACE.

You must wake and call me early, call me early, Filcher dear,

To-morrow 'ill be a happy time for all the Freshman's year; For all the Freshman's year, Filcher, the most delightful day,

For I shall be in for my May, Filcher, I shall be in for my May !

There's many a hot, hot man, they say, but none so hot as me;
There's Middlethwaite and Muggins, there's Kane and
Kersetjee;

But none so good as little Jones in all the lot, they say,
So I'm to be first in the May, Filcher, I'm to be first in the
May!

I read so hard at night, Filcher, that I shall never rise,
If you do not take a wettish sponge and dab it in my eyes:
For I must prove the G.C.M., and substitute for a,

For I'm to be first in the May, Filcher, I'm to be first in the
May.

As I came through the College Backs, whom think ye should I see

But the Junior Dean upon the Bridge proceeding out to tea? He thought of that Ægrotat, Filcher, I pleaded yesterday,But I'm to be first in the May, Filcher, I'm to be first in the May.

There are men that come and go, Filcher, who care not for a class,

And their faces seem to brighten if they get a common pass; They never do a stitch of work the whole of the live-long day,

But I'm to be first in the May, Filcher, I'm to be first in the May!

All the College Hall, my Filcher, will be fresh and clean and still,

And the tables will be dotted o'er with paper, ink, and quill;

And some will do their papers quick, and run away to play,

But I'm to be first in the May, Filcher, I'm to be first in the May!

So you must wake and call me early, call me early, Filcher dear,

To-morrow 'ill be a happy time for all the Freshman's year; For all the Freshman's year, Filcher, the most delightful day, For I shall be in for my May, Filcher, I shall be in for my May!

NEW YEAR'S EVE.

If you're waking call me early, call me early, Filcher dear,
For I'll keep a morning Chapel upon my last New-year.
My last New-year before I take my Bachelor's Degree,
Then you may sell my crockery-ware, and think no more
of me.

To-night I bade good-bye to Smith: he went and left behind

His good old rooms, those dear old rooms, where oft I sweetly dined;

There's a new year coming up, Filcher, but I shall never see The Freshman's solid breakfast, or the Freshman's heavy tea.

Last May we went to Newmarket: we had a festive day, With a decentish cold luncheon in a tidy one-horse-shay. With our lardy-dardy garments we were really "on the spot,

And Charley Vain came out so grand in a tall white chimneypot.

There's not a man about the place but doleful Questionists; I only wish to live until the reading of the Lists.

I wish the hard Examiners would melt and place me high; I long to be a Wrangler, but I'm sure I don't know why. Upon this battered table, and within these rooms of mine, In the early, early morning there'll be many a festive shine; And the Dean will come and comment on "this most unseemly noise,"

Saying, Gentlemen, remember, pray, you're now no longer boys."

When the men come up again Filcher, and the Term is at its height,

You'll never see me more in these long gay rooms at night; When the old dry wines are circling and the claret-cup flows cool,

And the loo is fast and furious with a fiver in the pool.

You'll pack my things up, Filcher, with Mrs. Tester's aid, You may keep the wine I leave behind, the tea, and marmalade.

I shall not forget you, Filcher, I shall tip you when I pass, And I'll give you something handsome if I get a secondclass.

Good-night, good-night, when I have passed my tripos with success,

And you see me driving off to catch the one o'clock " express ;"

Don't let Mrs. Tester hang about beside the porter's lodge,
I ain't a fool, you know, and I can penetrate that dodge.
She'll find my books and papers lying all about the floor,
Let her take 'em, they are hers, I shall never use 'em more;
But tell her, to console her, if she's mourning for my loss,
That she's quite the dirtiest bedmaker, I ever came across.
Good-night you need not call me till the bell for service
rings,

Through practice I am pretty quick at putting on my things;
But I would keep a Chapel upon my last New Year,
So, if you're waking, call me, call me early, Filcher dear.

CONCLUSION.

I thought to pass some time ago, but hang it, here I am,
Having "muckered " in a certain Mathematical Exam.

I have been "excused the General," and my reverent Tutor thinks

I must take up Natural Science, which is commonly called "Stinks."

There's Parnell's lot, my Herbie, that wretched Irish crew;
Don't go and say I said so, this is confidence for you:
I've done my best to catch them, and gain their solid vote;
But Trevelyan's such a blunderer, he's always at their throat.

*

So I will go down early, you come down after, Herbie dear; To-morrow may be the saddest day of this our sad fifth year. I've felt some twinges sometimes of conscience and of gout; But the painfullest of all would be to know that we're turned out.

The Evening News, February 18, 1884.

THE NEW LORD MAYOR.
(A long way after Tennyson).

You must mind and call me early, call me early, JOHN, d'ye hear.

To-morrow'll be the nobbiest day of all this blessed year: Of all this wonderful year, JOHN, the scrumptiousest I declare,

For I'm to be made Lord Mayor, JOHN! I'm to be made Lord Mayor!

There's many an Aldermanic Swell, but none so great as me ; I scorn your Common Councillors, such men I will not see; But none so grand as Alderman ELLIS the Liverymen all swear,

For I'm to be made Lord Mayor, JOHN ! I'm to be made Lord Mayor!

I sleep well after a heavy meal, and I shall never wake, If you don't knock at my door, JOHN, when day begins to break;

And I must dress in my Sunday clothes, and titivate up my hair,

For I'm to be made Lord Mayor, JOHN, I'm to be made Lord Mayor!

As I came up to the Mansion House, whom think ye I should see,

But FIGGINS and other Aldermen as glum as they well could be,

They thought of the coming pageantry, and how I should swagger there,

For I'm to be made Lord Mayor, JOHN, I'm to be made Lord Mayor!

THE LORD MAYOR TO THE LADY MAYORESS. ["If this bill becomes law, it will be our proud privilege to continue the existence of the Lord Mayor for six months, until it comes into action on the 1st of May, 1885.”—Sir W. V. Harcourt's Speech.]

If you've read Sir Vernon's speech upon the City, daughter dear,

You will see that London's downfall from its great estate is

near;

But one comfort you will gather-not November ends our sway,

For I'm to be Mayor till May, daughter, I'm to be Mayor till May!

I have said that I will fight the bill, in clause, and line, and word.

I may not be the conqueror, but my protests shall be heard--Though that clause my office to extend for six months more may stay,

That I may be Mayor till May, daughter, I may be Mayor till May!

They do not stop our banqueting, so that clause I don't condemn

Oh, the Ministers won't abrogate the feeds we give to them! And that is about the only good they do not take awayBut I'm to be Mayor till May, daughter, I'm to be Mayor till May !

THE LAST LORD MAYOR TO HIS FAVOURITE
BEADLE.

You must wake and call me early, call me early, Bumble, dear,

I mean to fight with all my might each minute of this year;
For a play is in rehearsal now-a tragic, terrible play-
And I'm to be Griffin at Bay, Bumble, I'm to be Griffin at
Bay!

I'll fight from morn till night, Bumble-my soul must never quake

For calipash and calipee and Corporation's sake:
And I must don the lion's skin, although I can but bray,
For I'm to be Griffin at Bay, Bumble, I'm to be Griffin at
Bay!

When I was in the Commons, whom think ye I should see,
But Harcourt smiling on his seat, just close to William G. ?
He thought not of the feed, Bumble, we gave him t'other
day-

But I will be Griffin at Bay, Bumble, I will be Griffin at Bay!

They want to wreck, with sinful hand, our great timehonoured powers,

And take away the wealth and might which have so long been ours;

But I will roar and bluster, in my old accustomed way,
For I'm to be Griffin at Bay, Bumble, I'm to be Griffin at
Bay!

Go, summons all my aldermen, and bid them take their fill,
From terror free let them with me all gaily feast and swill;
Reform need have no fears for them, so bid them all be gay,
For I'm to be Griffin at Bay, Bumble, I'm to be Griffin at
Bay!

Four other parodies, which had been sent in for competition, were also printed :

THE EVE OF THE GENERAL ELECTION.

We must wake and get up early, get up early, brother Grimes,

For to-morrow'll be the greatest day of all the modern times;

Of all the modern times, brother, the day so long delayed, When we're to be freemen made, brother, we're to be freemen made.

There's many a low, low lot, they said, but none so low as we,
So sunk in ignorance and vice, in want and penury;
But none so stupid as poor Hodge in all the land, they said
But we're to be freemen made, brother, we're to be freemen
made.

;

So we'll rise and poll us early, poll us early, brother Grimes, For to-morrow'll be the important day of all the glad new times;

Of all the glad new times, brother, the day so long delayed,
When we're to be freemen made, brother, we're to be free-
men made.
JAMES FRASER.

TORY LORD TO DITTO DITTO ON THE EVE OF THE
INTRODUCTION OF THE FRANCHISE BILL
INTO THE UPPER HOUSE.

If you're going, look in early, look in early, brother peer, To-morrow we'll have the merriest fling we've had for many a year;

And all the law-lords, brother, will use their subtle skill
By verbiage and amendment sly to mutilate the bill;
Our lordly mashers, too, brother, will meet in grand array,
For 'twill be as good as the play, brother, 'twill be as good
as the play.

We thought to kick it out, brother, but we've found it wouldn't pay;

J. B. would never stand it, so we'll better tact display; And we'll hocuss him, you see brother, and mar its clauses dear:

So, we'll be early, places taking, we'll be early, brother peer. GERMANICUS.

ON THE EVE OF A DEBATE ON THE FRANCHISE
BILL.

You must wake up! there'll be such a hurly-burly, Staffy, dear;

To-morrow'll be the merriest night the House has had this year;

Of all the nights this year, Staffy, the night to be marked with chalk,

For I'm to be Cock o' the Walk, Staffy, I'm to be Cock o' the Walk.

There's many a clack-clack cry, they say, but none so shrill as mine;

There's Peel and Gorst and Drummond, there's Balfour superfine ;

But none so rare as little Randy in all the House for talk, So I'm to be Cock o' the Walk, Staffy, I'm to be Cock o' the Walk.

As I came through the lobby whom think ye should I see But Gladdy poring o'er the bill to set the yokels free.

He caught my eye and shook, Staffy-I eyed him like a hawk!

But I'm to be Cock o' the Walk, Staffy, I'm to be Cock o' the Walk.

The hinds may reap and sow, Staffy, but ere that measure pass,

The cows will get the franchise as they munch the meadow grass;

There will not be a vote for Hodge, if only the bill we baulk, And I'm to be Cock o' the Walk, Staffy, I'm to be Cock o' the Walk.

All the Tories, Staffy, will obstruct it with a will,

And the swift foot and the slow foot will mash and maul the

bill;

And the G.O.M. will fret and fume like fizz when you draw the cork,

For I'm to be Cock o' the Walk, Staffy, I'm to be Cock o' the Walk.

GOSSAMER.

THE PREMIER TO MRS. GLADSTONE.

You must wake me in the morning, rouse me early, wifey, dear;

To-morrow'll be a ticklish time at Westminster, I hear;
At Westminster, the Franchise Bill will glide upon its way,
And I shall have something to say, deary, I shall have some-
thing to say.

There's many a black-legged Tory who would frustrate our design

There's Northcote and there's Goschen, who was once a friend of mine;

But none, I think, will stand their ground if I can get fair play,

For they know it is true what I say, deary, they know it is true what I say.

I sleep so light of late, wifey, that bedtime comes in vain, They've bored me so with Gordon that I've Egypt on the brain :

Yet I'll regain these wasted hours-this loss of time won't pay

And show that I mean what I say, deary, show that I mean what I say.

#

JESSIE H. Wheeler.

The Weekly Dispatch, May 4, 1884.

THE PROMISE OF MAY!

(An Old Song re-set, and specially dedicated, for purposes of recitation, to Mrs. Bernard-Beere, Manageress of the Globe Theatre).

You must call rehearsals early, call them early, KELLY dear!
November'll be the merriest month of our dramatic year;
November I have fixed it for the Laureate's new play,
And I'm to be Promise of May, KELLY, I'm to be Promise
of May!

There's many a chosen priestess in the wild æsthetic line. There's ELLEN! and there's MARION! whose fingers intertwine!

But all the Grosvenor Gallery think none like me, they say; So I'm to be Promise of May, KELLY, I'm to be Promise of May !

I'm thinking of the night, you know, both sleeping and awake,

And I hear them calling loudly till their voices seem to break;

But I must fashion lots of gowns in Liberty silks so gay,
For I'm to be Promise of May, my Lad, I'm to be Promise
of May !

I went down into Surrey-don't laugh, it is no joke-
And found the great Bard dramatist wrapt in a cloak--of

They say he's pining still for fame; but that can never be.
He likes to roar his lyrics, but what is that to me?
I'll fill the Globe with worshippers, in the old Lyceum way-
For I'm to be Promise of May, my Friend, I'm to be promise
of May !

My sisters of the cultus shall attend me clad in green;
All the poets and the painters must hail me as their Queen!
The great dramatic critics of course will have their say,
Now I'm to be Promise of Maytime, I'm to be Promise of
May!

The Pit with wild excitement will tremble, never fear,
And the merry gods above them will greet me with a cheer!
There will not be a ribald line in all the Laureate's play,
For I'm to be Promise of May, you see, I'm to be Promise
of May !

All the Stalls will sit in silence, or with cynicism chill
Will pick the Bard to pieces, and work their own sweet will;
And HAMILTON CLARKE in the orchestra he'll merrily pose
and play-

For I'm to be Promise of May, my Lad, I'm to be Promise of May !

So call rehearsals early, call them early, there's a dear!
Bid gipsy-tinted ORMSBY and VEZIN to appear.
November'll see what 66 'gushers" call the "sweetest,
daintiest play,"

And I'm to be Promise of May, KELLY, I'm to be Promise
May !

Punch, November 4, 1882.

As this parody refers to a nearly-forgotten play, the allusions in it may best be explained by the reproduction of the Play-bill, which has now become a literary curiosity.

The drama was a complete and melancholy failure; even George Augustus Sala, most lenient and genial of critics, could not but condemn it, as being as unactable a play as Shelley's "Cenci," or Swinburne's "Bothwell," or Southey's" Wat Tyler," whilst it possessed none of the literary merits of either of those compositions. He added, "It is finally and most wretchedly unfortunate that an illustrious English poet has not by his side some really candid and judicious friend, with influence enough, and courage enough, to persuade him to desist from subjecting this disastrous production to the ordeal of representation before a miscellaneous audience."

Bad as The Promise of May was, it contained one leading idea, which, from the very opposition it gave rise to, enabled the management to keep the play on the boards much longer than could have been anticipated. The plot had been foreshadowed in one of Tennyson's earliest poems, The Sisters:

"WE were two daughters of one race:
She was the fairest in the face :

The wind is blowing in turret and tree.
They were together, and she fell :
Therefore revenge became me well.
O the Earl was fair to see !"