Slike strani
PDF
ePub

266

not probably seen in print for many years, if ever before. While Daniel Webster resided in Washington a member of his family heard him say what I now record, and told it in person to my friend the General.

[ocr errors]

Hayne, of South Carolina, urged on by his Southern friends, had made his speech which called forth "Northern Lion,' that immortal reply of the great and many of Webster's friends, struck with Hayne's real ability, began to say half-way to each other, "Can Webster answer that?"

Mrs. Webster was present at the Capitol, and was greatly agitated at the fire and force of the hero of South Carolina. She rode home with a friend in At last the "Lion" came advance of her husband. tramping up to the door, and marched in in an easy, unconcerned way. His wife hastened into the hall just as she was, taking a pinch of snuff, and, with tears in her eyes, says to him, "Can you, can you answer Mr. Hayne?"

With a sort of grunt, or quiet roar, her lord turned upon her: "Answer him! I'll gr-i-n-d him finer than that snuff in your box!”—[A very doubtful story, the Drawer thinks.]

ure.

ANOTHER friend of General G's resided in Washington at the same time, who was intimate After Hayne's with a number of Southerners. speech they came to this person to taunt him with what they supposed to be Mr. Webster's discomfitHe acknowledged afterward that he trembled But in due a little for the Northern statesman. time the Websterian thunder rolled through the arches of the Capitol, and Hayne was ground fine. "What do you think now," says the General's friend to his Southern acquaintances, "of our 'Northern Lion?""

The reply came quick, but rather angrily: "He's a long-clawed, strong-jawed, tough-hided devil!"

I HE a friend of the Irish persuasion, writes an officer, residing at present in the State of Maine. Last summer, while making a visit to Massachusetts, she spoke of her success in business, etc., and concluded her talk with, "Ye see, uncle dear, I had a little money to investigate, so I concluded to put two domino winders to me house, and it was a great improvement to vegetate the garret."

The

OUR District Attorney, says a West Virginia correspondent, being at the Swann House in Parkersburg, received a telegraphic dispatch. message requiring an answer, he stepped over to the office to reply. Having written his answer and folded it he said,

"Please give me an envelope."

the thing, they would make him chairman. Upon
being announced chairman Sol took his seat with
a great deal of dignity and importance. The ques-
tion read as follows: "Resolved, that the negroes
have more cause of complaint than the Indians."
It was stipulated that the question should be con-
fined to the United States. The chief disputant on
the affirmative opened the debate and made a speech
to sustain his position, every word of which was
listened to with close attention from the chairman.
The disputant on the negative made a few remarks
in answer, and then turned to the Bible and com-
menced reading passages for the purpose of proving
slavery right, and by that means intending to show
that the negroes had not been wronged.

Sol heard him for a short time, and then jumped
You
up and said in a loud voice to the speaker: "Stop
Don't go any further.
right where you are.
have gone out of the United States for argument."

LAST year our regiment (the Sixty-seventh Ohio) was stationed on Morris Island, South Carolina. One hot day in August the agent of the Sanitary Commission informed me that he had received a cargo of ice from the good people of Boston, to be distributed among the troops, and that we could have a hundred pounds of it by sending to Lighthouse Inlet. I accordingly applied to the wagonmaster for transportation, who assigned to me a Pompey had probably South Carolina negro of about twenty summers, with his mule and cart. never seen ice thicker than window-glass, perhaps The tide was out, which left the vessel Pompey drove his not that. high and dry on the bank. mule and cart alongside of the vessel, and a cake of ice was lowered over the side to him, which he took in his hands, but dropped it almost as quick as if it had been hot iron. Looking up, he exclaimed, "Oh, lordy massa! it must be a berry cold country where dis stuff grows!"

"My friend," said a seedy individual to a waggish acquaintance at a ferry, "I wish you would loan me two quarters to cross the ferry, I haven't got a dollar in the world."

"Well, I would like to know," was the reply, "what difference it makes to a man who hasn't got a dollar in the world which side of the river he's on ?"

HERE is a good thing in relation to the poet who wrote "Hohenlinden," which possibly has not yet found its way to your columns. There was a convivial gathering at the poet's house, where the rosy wine and the sparkling jest ran far into the winter's night. The party broke up by degrees, each guest

"What for?" exclaimed the astonished operator. leaving as the spirit moved him. Just as one had
"Why, mine came in an envelope!"

A NUMBER of years ago, when those who are now
steady and thorough-going business-men were boys
living in the town of Livonia, Livingston County,
New York, they formed a debating club, which met
in what is called the East School-house. Debating
evenings the neighbors would call in to see what
It was customary with the
the boys were about.
society to choose one of the spectators chairman for
the evening, to hear the arguments and decide the
question.

One evening a fellow by the name of Solomon
T- made his appearance. He being a very
knowing fellow, the boys thought, for the fun of

left the room a rumbling noise was heard on the stairway, and the body of a bright devotee to wit and Bacchus went tumbling down stairs.

"What is the matter?" said Campbell, from the doorway.

"It's I, Sir, rolling rapidly," was the ready response.

AMONG the members of the Convention which met some years ago to form the new Constitution of Kentucky was Captain John Budd, of this city (Louisville). The Convention was discussing the The Captain, who subject of voting at elections. thought the ballot dangerous to the welfare of the State and the institution of slavery, made his speech

THIS comes to the Drawer from the United States

in opposition to the change, saying, the gentlemen might talk as they pleased in favor of this new-steamer Marmora, of the Mississippi Squadron: fangled way of dropping in their sentiments as if ashamed to let them be known, but as for himself, he "was born in old Virginia, where people walk plainly on the centre of the turnpike while the sun is shining, and I am in favor of every man going boldly up to the polls and voting his honest opinions vice versa."

At White River station, the other day, among other boats at anchor there were the large sidewheel steamer St. Patrick and a very small sternwheel boat named the Mattie. The latter boat was coaling from a barge alongside of her. The St. Patrick having received orders to coal from the same barge, ran up alongside of her for that purpose, when, through the carelessness of her pilot,

A RURAL correspondent residing at Sinking instead of landing at the barge, she came in collision Springs, Ohio, writes to the Drawer:

meeting those of her Captain, sung out to him, "Come aboard, Captain! Come aboard, if you want to!"

with the little stern-wheeler, smashing her fenders A gentleman delivered a pair of "Slogy" shoes and otherwise doing her considerable damage. The to the mail-carrier, to be conveyed from this place noise brought the Captain on deck, and, surveying to Latham, a small village nine miles distant. the work of destruction, slowly raised his eyes upThere being no other mail-matter on hand the car-ward to the hurricane-deck of the St. Patrick, and rier caused the postmaster to place the shoes in the bag, to facilitate their transportation. Arriving at Latham, the postmaster there was thunder-struck at the quality of the contents of Uncle Sam's mail, and perceiving a card attached to the shoes containing WHILE on deck this morning conversing with the address of the person for whom they were de-a third engineer of our boat about music, etc., I signed, he quietly placed them in the post-office re- asked him if he had ever heard "Faust;" supposceptacle to await his call. The carrier began eager-ing, of course, that every one, if they had not heard ly to demand the shoes, and to explain that it was merely for his accommodation that they were placed in the mail-bag, etc. The postmaster knew his duty too well, however, to deliver the shoes prior to the payment of the postage, amounting to a trifle more than the shoes were worth. The affair led to FROM Minnesota this clever one comes: a correspondence with the Post-office Department, At the Democratic State Convention held in this and finally resulted in the shoes being sent to the city, in September last, Major M—, of S— Dead-Letter Office. It is to be presumed that Un-County (one of the best men in the State), was ap

cle Sam has concluded to wear the shoes himself.

FIVE of our Philadelphia readers have taken the trouble, each of them, to cut the poetry below from the Ledger and send it to us. One of them says:

You will notice by the inclosed that the Ledger's obituary "poic" has been around again, and, I think, eclipses all his former efforts, not excepting that "superior flower-pot" of little Jacobs, which you copied in your Drawer some months since. I think the last effusion well worthy a place in the Drawer. It is certainly very gratifying to the friends of the Union to know their much-loved starry banner has so exalted a place in the regions above.

"Dear mother, I am going home;

I am not, as you think me, dead: 'Tis those on earth in darkness roam; The angels hath me to heaven led. "Hark, mother, doth hear the angels? Oh, how pretty they can sing! They call me, mother, so fare you well, I can hear the bells in heaven ring. "List, mother, and hear my story,

'Tis not a dream, but all is true;
I am with the angels up in glory,
And only waiting here for you.
"From thy lap your James hath flown;

Our Saviour spoke, I answered his call,
Saying come to yonder heavenly home,
To live with the angels one and all.
"TO MY FATHER.

"Tell my father, who is far away

Fighting the enemy in the field, That I'll pray for him night and day: 'Tis his angel bids him never yield.

"Tell him I am living with that God;

That I have joined the angels' heavenly band. We have Washington sitting beside our Lord,

that delightful opera, had certainly heard of it. He answered he couldn't tell; said he was in Cincinnati a few months ago, but believed he didn't play the night that he visited "Pike's!"

pointed temporary chairman.

The Major, in returning thanks, made a very pretty little speech, in closing which he said: "He was now sixty-four years old, and had been a Democrat from his birth. He had always felt proud of the many honors conferred upon him by the glorious old Democracy through a long life, and the present was not an exception; for he truly felt, as the Bible says-It is better to be a door-keeper in he ́n than to be a king in hell!"

When the laughter caused by this quotation had somewhat subsided, a brother delegate from the Major's own county asked of a city delegate who sat near him, "What did the Major say that caused so much laughter?—I did not see the joke." The quotation was repeated to him. He didn't seem "to see it" much better, but replied, "Oh! that is it, is it? I thought perhaps the Major had made some mistake in quoting Scripture!"

Ar the funeral of the lamented Harrison, in New York, a soft, wet snow-storm set it, which very soon lightened up the dismal aspect of the procession. At a halt in the military and civic cavalcade, which moved mournfully on in all the sombre drapery of a nation's woe, one of the citizen mourners took off his new hat, and wiping off the snow, with the greatest gravity and some emotion remarked, "This is too bad! My new hat will be entirely spoiled: and all for turning out at Harrison's funeral! I almost wish he hadn't died!"

A WESTERN editor sends to the Drawer the following:

The Rev. Dr. C, a profound scholar and deservedly popular minister in the United Presbyterian Church, is remarkably absent-minded. On one occasion he was moderating a meeting of the As

With the Star-Spangled Banner grasped in his hand."sembly, had called the meeting to order after a re

cess, and sat down while the Clerk was calling the roll. It was somewhat tedious, and the Doctor had a capital opportunity to ramble off in one of his interminable reveries. He was aroused by the lull in the proceedings that followed the completion of this part of the Clerk's duty, and jerking off his spectacles he walked forward to the front of the stage, and, with a decorous gravity becoming his position, said, "The Assembly has heard the motion. All in favor will show their assent by saying 'Aye!" Instead of saying "Aye," the Assembly burst into a regular storm of laughter, and it took the good Doctor several moments to comprehend the real status of affairs, when he retreated to his chair in confusion, perhaps with a determination to keep his thoughts at home during the rest of the session.

THE Doctor was always in the habit of depending upon his wife to keep his personal effects together. She was expected. to find his hat and cane when he went out, and to know where to lay her hand on any books or papers that he might want. At a meeting of Synod, one time, the Doctor mislaid a memorial which he was to have presented, and when the time came for its presentation it could not be found. The clerk searched for it, the ministerial brethren looked in every possible and impossible place, and the Doctor himself rummaged over the table and through, his pockets in frantic desperation. Finally he upset the gravity of the Synod completely by turning about and exclaiming, in quick, sharp tones, "Susan, Susan! what has become of that paper?" Susan was not there to reply, but there was no lack of friends to laugh.

Two or three days after B arrived, and immediately called on the Judge, when occurred what followeth :

SENATOR B. "You're a pretty man to leave a fellow that way, fifteen miles from home, ain't you ?"

JUDGE J. "Why B, what's the matter?" B. "What's the matter! Sure enough I have a good will to thrash you!"

J. "Why B-, what's the-I-I-don't understand?"

B. "Don't understand, eh? As though leaving me at the Half-way House wasn't enough, but you must send back by D 'to inquire if you hadn't left something!' and now make strange, as though you didn't know it!"

J. "Ha! ha! ha! That's it! I knew there was something wrong! I told D- I had left something, but couldn't think what. Tried to remember all the way home. Asked my wife what was missing when I got home. Have thought of it ever since, and could make nothing of it; and sure enough it was you! Ha! ha! ha! Sorry, 'pon my soul! Let's drink."

And they did drink.

AND still another:

In this State we have a very eminent lawyer, who is a noted wag, a great genius, and withal does become "funny" occasionally.

The Supreme Court was in session at St. Paul, and their "Honors" had taken their seats and the court was opened and business was in progress.

Our legal friend was standing outside of and leaning against the bar, conversing with another memFROM one of our numerous Western contributors ber, and did not observe that the court had been we have the following:

his conversation.

66

called to order, therefore continued his conversaAn incident related in a recent Drawer reminds tion, when "tap, tap, tap," sounds the marshal's me of another of the same sort. There lives in hammer as a warning. But being somewhat "exWisconsin a certain Judge J, who is noted for hilarated," and very much engaged, the distinguishhis learning, ability, and for being remarkably ab-ed member does not hear the call, but proceeds with sent-minded when intoxicated to a certain degree. Rap, rap, rap," goes the hamJudge J and Senator B had been on a visit mer, but still unheeded; and the warning is reto Madison on some political errand, and had both peated again and again, but uselessly. At last the become somewhat "blue" when they started for Chief Justice interrupts business with, "Mr. Marhome-a distance of about thirty miles. The two shal, the conversation carried on outside the bar is friends lived in the same town, had gone to Madi- annoying, and must be suspended." This was said son together in the same buggy, and were to return sufficiently loud for the hearing of our legal lumintogether, and did start home in the company of ary; and he did hear it, and "took in" the whole each other about one o'clock P.M. At the "Half-position at a glance. With a comical squint and a way House" they stopped to take a drink, of course, and Senator Balighted to procure the "redeye," while the Judge remained in the buggy. In due time the Senator returned with decanter and tumbler, and the two drank, and B

returned to deliver the "implements" to mine host. B-deposited the tumbler and decanter, paid for the "exbilarator," then called for a cigar, and proceeded to light the same. Meantime the Judge, having taken his drink, sat quietly for the space of a minute, and, forgetting that he was waiting for B, started up the team at a 2.40 rate, and was off.

After driving about five miles he met a friend going to Madison, whom he hailed as follows:

"I say, D—, just stop at the Half-way House and ask the landlord if I left any thing there. It seems to me I came away and forgot something, and I have been trying to think for an hour what it is, but I can't; so just stop, won't you, and inquire, and if I left any thing just bring it out when you come back."

Dagreed, and the Judge drove home.

roll of his head in the direction of the court, he remarked to his friend, in a tone audible to the whole house,

"I say, N, those fellows up there think I'm drunk, and as that is in some sense a mixed question of law and fact, of course I will not find fault with a decision of the Court; but, between you and me, the fact is, that what is only occasional with me is habitual with them. About the legal conclusion I say nothing."

"Even the Court" smiled, and business proceeded as usual.

[merged small][ocr errors][merged small]

A BUFFALONIAN sends the following:

Judge G, who, as a lawyer, was noted for his sharpness in cross-examining a witness, very frequently, when presiding at the circuit, takes the cross-examination of a witness out of the hands of the attorney trying the cause.

While holding the circuit at Warsaw, B-, a dentist, was put upon the stand to prove a conversation with the plaintiff. On cross-examination the counsel for the plaintiff asked him if he had not had trouble with the plaintiff. B said he had not. "Well," asked the counsel, "did you not make a set of teeth for his wife?"

"Yes."

Here Judge G- thought it was time for him to interfere.

"Well, witness," said he, "do you mean to say she is now wearing both sets of teeth?"

"Yes," said the witness, very composedly. "Well," said the Judge, "just explain to us how that can be."

"Why, your Honor," said the witness, "she has one set in each jaw!"

Bar, jury, and spectators all joined in a hearty laugh at the expense of the Judge.

THE Colonel of a certain hundred days' regiment was called upon one day by an aid of the Gen

COUNSEL. "Did not the plaintiff find fault with eral commanding the brigade in which was bis regthem?"

WITNESS. "Yes."

COUNSEL. "Does she wear them?"

WITNESS. "Yes."

iment, and directed to take his regiment out "on picket" that evening. The Colonel very innocently informed the aid that he (the Colonel) could not very well go, and that the Lieutenant-Colonel was would not like to go. It is almost unnecessary to add that said Colonel has been under arrest since that day, and is now undoubtedly brooding over the evils of military despotism.

COUNSEL. "She had another set made by anoth- somewhat unwell, and that the Major, he thought, er dentist, did she not ?"

WITNESS. "Yes."

COUNSEL. "Is she not wearing them?"

WITNESS. "Yes."

[graphic]

AN EFFECTUAL DISGUISE.
CAPTAIN."What! Rhubarb, Doctor? I can't stand the taste of that."

DOCTOR.-"Um' Well, I'll tell you what we'll do. We'll disguise it in a little Castor Oil."

VOL. XXX.-No. 176.-S*

[graphic]

BEWARE OF THE DOG. AUGUSTUS.-"Don't go near that nasty Dog. He's got Fleas, I know by his looks!"

[graphic]

A WISE PRECAUTION. MATERFAMILIAS." Keep back, children! Let Miss Heavysides try the ice!"

« PrejšnjaNaprej »